Some reflections

It has been two and half years since I started the CMA program. Now we have 5 month left to write the board report and we're done. This weekend is the last session at the Delta. Honestly only the first year and half or so felt that we were part of an actual program. The last year or so felt somewhat anticlimactic in the sense that we have pretty much learned most of what we were going to get out the program.

Still back in Sept of '05 I entered somewhat of a social cocoon. The women I was seeing all somehow disappeared upon news of the amount of time I would need to allocate to the program. So much for trying to better myself in their eyes - perhaps its for the best since if they could not appreciate someone who tried to elevate themselves perhaps I am better off moving onward.

Still I kept some of the strongest friendships and perhaps they are the ones worth having in the long term. None of these friends really cared (in a good way) about what I was doing. It was some course or program and back we went to the tasks at hand.

In some ways it really it does not feel I have done much at all. I passed exams which are considered to be some of the toughest in the country. You need all sorts of qualifications to write them and only then only about 1/2 pass and go on. Still the extent of the accomplishment gets lost of me. I have to remind myself, take myself back to the day when I found out I passed and everything would change from that moment onward. And it did................

"Knocking on Heaven's Door" - how fitting that I now have the GNR version of the song playing right now in the background. In many ways I feel that I have been doing just that since 2003. I finally feel to a large extent I have dealt with what happened. I don't talk about them much these days. Being in the program has helped me to deal with the nightmares of that time.