May 3rd

Again I need to write more frequently but with demands of work and school and the gym (not really a demand but it can be seen that way) its tough at the end of the day to sit down and feel inspired to put some words into the vast wilderness of cyberspace.

Having been chosen by my CMA group to write the first 10,000 words of the Board Report has been a somewhat daunting task with the weight of responsibility to come up with something half decent. But I am up to the challenge. 3 weeks of writing and I am almost done. Another 1,000 words or so and I had it off to the next writer. It will be interesting to see whether any changes or editing work alters the first draft in any meaningful ways.

Just getting over a rather tough battle with a lung infection. Just when I thought it went away it came back although in slightly milder form. Not fun esp when one has demands and responsibilities to others. Some things just require immediate attention irrespective of whether or not one feels ill or otherwise.

GTA 4 came out earlier in the week and I must say given the time I waited for the game I have only played 20 minutes in total - watched the opening credits and did two missions. Playing will come later when the draft is finished. Delayed gratification? Something of that order. But its the GTA game that was meant to be made. Finally it seems the technology caught up to expectations. Now what will Rockstar and Take Two do for the next installment.........?

Till next time............


Mark

In better shape than in the last 3-4 years

Alright friends

It has been way too long since the last post.

Since the beginning of the year I have been training alone. My former training partner made what I saw as an inappropriate remark regarding wanting to have dinner. I found that to be too close for comfort and basically indicated I wanted to train alone, which I have wanted to do anyway.

Since then my sessions have isolated, introspective and totally focused. My lower back is now fully healed. I am back to 315 in the squat for 10 easy reps and 365 for 5-6. This weight is a far cry from the 405 I did for 6-8 reps but still a substantial improvement from the last 8-10 years.

I am now leaner and in better shape than in the last 3-4 years. More cardio, cleaner eating and more restful nights have resulted in a tighter waistline, thinner skin and more pronounced fullness esp in the back and legs.

Next year I'll be looking to compete in the first bodybuilding show and given I am not getting younger this would be an ideal time to basically do my first and likely only show.

The sessions now feel like they have a real purpose. The drive is there, as well as the mental toughness to keep going in the face of physical exhaustion and fatigue. Its one of the ultimate reference points for who you are at any given time.

This week is a short one. I am taking Thrs off to run some errands and then spend time with the family at Easter and of course working on the CMA Board Report.

Some reflections

It has been two and half years since I started the CMA program. Now we have 5 month left to write the board report and we're done. This weekend is the last session at the Delta. Honestly only the first year and half or so felt that we were part of an actual program. The last year or so felt somewhat anticlimactic in the sense that we have pretty much learned most of what we were going to get out the program.

Still back in Sept of '05 I entered somewhat of a social cocoon. The women I was seeing all somehow disappeared upon news of the amount of time I would need to allocate to the program. So much for trying to better myself in their eyes - perhaps its for the best since if they could not appreciate someone who tried to elevate themselves perhaps I am better off moving onward.

Still I kept some of the strongest friendships and perhaps they are the ones worth having in the long term. None of these friends really cared (in a good way) about what I was doing. It was some course or program and back we went to the tasks at hand.

In some ways it really it does not feel I have done much at all. I passed exams which are considered to be some of the toughest in the country. You need all sorts of qualifications to write them and only then only about 1/2 pass and go on. Still the extent of the accomplishment gets lost of me. I have to remind myself, take myself back to the day when I found out I passed and everything would change from that moment onward. And it did................

"Knocking on Heaven's Door" - how fitting that I now have the GNR version of the song playing right now in the background. In many ways I feel that I have been doing just that since 2003. I finally feel to a large extent I have dealt with what happened. I don't talk about them much these days. Being in the program has helped me to deal with the nightmares of that time.

2008

Brand new year. How time flies.

Christmas came and went quickly. We are working on year-end at the office. I have worked 15 days straight.

I am now back to training alone - feels more focused. I am thinking about entering a show next summer.

CMA ends in June. Board report and its done. 3 years gone by quickly.

Looking for some rest....................

New beginnings

It has been a long time since the last post.

My shoulder pains have subsided. I am back to 225 for behind the neck presses. Both shoulders feel loose. I can now actually get up out of bed without any pain when I push myself off to sit up. Yesterday I squeezed out 315 in the bench for 10 easy reps and another 3 reps with 365 which also went up easily. It has been over 9 months since I tried anything meaningful over 335 in the bench.

I am leaving my current employer for a new opportunity. I learned a lot but times has come to move onward. I am a bit surprised at the reaction by my coworkers - some thought I was joking while one was quite upset. I wish them all well as it has been interesting to work there. Raj, Jean and a few others have placed in context through their conduct toward me over the past few days that perhaps my presence actually meant something. I'll remember working there with fondness and likely will keep in touch.

Currently I am still reading "War Made New" by Max Boot. It seems its taking too long to complete the work, but coupled with my CMA research report, case work and other work I really have not had the time to just burn through the book in a few weekend afternoons. Next on my reading list is "The Greatest Battle" - an account of the WW2 battle for Moscow, which signalled the turning point of the war.

I'll try to make an greater effort at posting at least once per week to account for the events of the week.

July 15th

It has been over 3 weeks. I have not been in the mood.
Yesterday was Kaye's birthday. It has been over 5 years. HBLS.

Summer feels like its going by very slowly. I am looking forward to Sept when we start up the SLP again.
Spending time with friends, at the gym and going to the movies. Both Die Hard and Transformers are worth seeing.

June 24th

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Time off from school has given me more time to think about where I am and where I would like to be and what steps I need to take in order to get there. Being creatures of accomplishment provides us with a drive to a greater level of self actualization. Indeed sometimes the more you know often you may not necessarily be better off. Often greater levels of awareness and knowledge lead one to a greater level of dissatisfaction knowing that certain things should be a certain way. The only thing one can do is take action steps within one's means to lead in the general desired direction. Still the open sea has its own challenges, given the safety of the shore.

This weekend - gym, uncles 50's birthday party, and follow up on Sunday.